paper on Egypt????????

Ancient Egypt:
Ancient Egypt:

once upon a time there was an ancient civilization, in northeast africa; Ancient Egypt. Ancient Egypt was a very magical place; run by a pharoah, the civilization was dependent on the nile river.

Page 2: The Ancient civilization in egypt was very dependent on the nile river for survival. The nile was not only a source of fresh water, but was also a big help in farming. Controlled irrigation of the fertile land produced more then enough crops, and silt, a mud-like substance from the nile helped plants grow in the desert of Egypt. Despite the nile flooding yearly, the egyptians were able to adapt and produce a surplus of crops. Because of this surplus, Egyptians were able to focus on other things, being one of the first civilizations to develop an independent writing system.

Page 3:
The Egyptian writing system was called hyroglyphics. Pictures represented words, letters and phrases. Hyroglyphics were often carved, or painted in/onto the walls of tombs and other important buildings. These carvings told stories and talked about important events in ancient egypt’s history. Because of these drawings, modern day scientists are now able to read about the history of egypt.

Page 4: The person in charge of running the civilization was the pharoah. The pharoah not only had control of all the people of ancient Egypt, but also the Egyptian army. pharoahs often lived in prestigous buildings, and had many slaves. Most kings ordered the slaves to build temples and tombs. In fact, most pharoahs ordered slaves to start building their tombs as soon as they had been appointed. Pharacy was inderited through blood, normally going to the pharoahs first son.

5:
how good is it?
i mean its suppose to be a "childrens book/story"

i know it has tons of typos sorry
i have a different copy that i has them all fixed, but its on my computer at my dad’s house but i will get the good copy b4 its due. no worries.
it has to have 10 pages, so im still working on it

At first I was thinking it skipped a round but then I saw the part about the children’s book. For a children’s book it’s good. When you talk about the flooding of the Nile you should explain the yearly floods in more detail. There is no kid in America who would understand the cycle of a river. Also you might mention how the Egyptians had to build their houses far from the river to increase farm land and protect them from the water. Also the dirt around the Nile is black, unlike the rest of the desert which is brown sand. (you may have mentioned it.)

For a children’s book your second chapter is spot on. For an adult book it would be full of errors.

I don’t think for page 4 you should say ‘the person in charge of running the civilization’. You should say the ruler of Egypt was called pharoah. The Pharoah didn’t have absolute control. (At least he didn’t always have absolute control) Most Egyptologists today believe Egypt didn’t have many slaves and they most definately would not have built the tombs. Tombs and temples were built by skilled craftsman.

There is very much about Egypt you skipped but I think you know that.